Breaking News

On my day off I was going to do things like the laundry, a bit of tidying up, maybe even go out for lunch, but the Breaking News that Madonna HAD GUY RITCHIE CIRCUMCISED kind of put a spanner in the works.

Bin Laden’s wife threw herself in the line of fire to save her terrorist husband? Old news. Ageing pop star practically forces her ex-husband to chop a bit off his willy? GOLD.

Now I’m kind of presuming here that Madge didn’t use her scrawny-weird chicken arms and hold him down whilst threatening him with a rusty blade. I would think, and correct me if I’m wrong here, that Ritchie agreed to this. Perhaps she wore him down, day after day, week after week, always harping on about it. Perhaps he got a bit into the whole spooky mystical red-string crazy religion thing. Perhaps Madonna is infused with ancient wisdom and we’re all wrong.

According to an interview with Ritchie in 2009, Madonna is “retarded”. Hmm. Pot-Kettle-Black perhaps? Having the snip cos your wife wears a bit of twine and believes in aliens or whatever? That’s a bit retarded, isn’t it? 

Does anyone care? Of course they do. This story is trending higher than photos of Osama’s at-sea burial. We’ll just have to wait and see if Karen Berg of the red string religion is going to release photos of Ritchie’s old man too.

In other news, I’ve been commissioned to write a piece on teenage demi-god Justin Bieber. This day just gets better and better.


About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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