Delusional Hotness Syndrome

Oh Bernard Salt. Demographer, social commentator, mostly all-round genius. I think you’re tops. Salt coined the easily-digestible terms “Helicopter parents”, “DINKS” (double income no kids) and “Boomerang Kids” (return home in their 30s cos they are broke and can’t afford to buy a house). Well done.

I love Salt, but I think he may be every so slightly off the mark on this one. According to Teh Condiment:

Retrieved from read it there.

MIDDLE-aged men are being chased so much by single women that they are becoming deluded about their sex appeal.

A drought of mid-40s single men, compared with single women of the same age, means they are fiercely pursued, inflating their opinion of their attractiveness.

KPMG demographer Bernard Salt, author of The Big Tilt: What Happens When Boomers Bust and Xers and Ys Inherit the Earth, says the imbalance has created a monster he dubs the “hotness delusion syndrome”.

“An available male in his 40s receives a lot of attention because he’s the only thing going around,” Mr Salt said.

“He can be balding and paunchy, but this is not what he sees in the mirror. He sees nothing less than trim, taut and, so he is told, terrific.”
I agree to some extent with Salt, and I’m sure his demographic calculations bear this out, But I would argue that ALL middle-aged men think they are devastatingly attractive. Add a bit of money or a well-paying job and you can multiply that by a factor of 10.
The problem of single middle-aged men as I see it right now, is that they are still stuck in the fucking 60s or 70s or even 80s.
A year or two ago a friend and I went to a cocktail bar to chat and hang out together and were rudely interrupted several time by two of the aforementioned men. They bragged about their fabulous jobs on the mines and made basically rubbish plays for our attention. Hey dickheads! We can buy our own margheritas! Fuck off!
*In their heads this is what you do for a living and what you want out of life.
Aaaanyway, I decided to have some fun and challenged them to guess what we did. In classic middle-aged not-very-attractive-over-confident style, they said “you” (me) work as a secretary. “And you” (my friend) “do some kind of filing.”
Now if they were not so fucking stupid, they would have thrown out “lawyer” “brain surgeon” or “Manager of something”. But no. They didn’t. At the time we were respectively editor of a newspaper and national marketing and communications manager of a high profile charity (later to be well-known TV journalist).
Bugger off with your $140k a year and your balding head and your preconceptions. You are an idiot. I’d rather eat my own socks than spent a minute in bed with you or making your fucking breakfast because you think I’ve got nothing better to do. Delusional Hotness Syndrome doesn’t just occur because older women are chasing you. It’s because you are a twat who thinks you are attractive to ALL women, especially those younger ones you suspect you could lure with a couple of expensive cocktails, a 4wheel drive and a home theatre in your new build home in the suburbs.
*He thinks he looks like this. He doesn’t. That’s Paul Newman, God among Men. Sadly dead.
Not so. The sensible ones are quite happy living in a tiny inner city apartment, buying household items on interest free credit, drinking cheap wine with with our friends and working on our careers (which are quite nice thanks, and we don’t work for three weeks straight driving a truck on the mines and come home to wank alone for a week in our five bedroom houses). DHS exists. It’s just more prevelant than you though Salt, dear.

About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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7 Responses to Delusional Hotness Syndrome

  1. Candi Hsu says:

    Please don’t forget that the plain term DHS conveys, applies to a LOT of women.

    Women who think they are beautiful when they are fat and ugly…

    • You’re right Candi, but I have to say, the number of middle-aged men who think they are lovely and desirable far outstrips the number of women of a similar age who harbour the same delusions. I’d call younger women (and men for that matter) who have tickets on themselves “show ponies”. Booyah.

  2. wendy says:

    don’t know who you are, but you’re FUNNY! I did a Google search of “delusional hotness syndrome” after reading an article about some Aussie schoolgirl and an aging football agent…
    thanks for the fun read!

    Wendy (Wisconsin, USA)

    • Hello Wendy and thanks for the lovely comment. I like think I’m amusing, usually after a couple of gins, but it’s nice to get some independent adjuication on the subject. AND, you have reminded me that I have not yet posted some incoherent ramblings on the “St Kilda Schoolgirl” and the band of despicable footballers and managers she has almost single-handedly brought down. Needless to say, no one comes out well in that story. Stay tuned.

  3. Single Aussie Girl says:

    I live in Melbourne Australia and I live with this demographically driven phenomenon. As a relatively new nation it’s the first time in our demographic history that women in the 30’s-40’s have so drastically outnumbered the number of available men. Having hit my early 40’s, I have known enough Australian men, long enough, to appreciate that they are all ego, and generally ballsy enough to somehow believe they are gods gifts to women, no matter how bad they are in reality. Unfortunately when these 2 conditions hit them into their late 30’s and beyond into their 50’s the consequence is intolerable for the dating women… That being said, having read your diatribe above, I can only guess that you have an equally horrid overly feminist condition. I am so glad you are so successful and self important and special. You sound like an absolute ego driven, no fun, conceited, bitchy women. But a reality check for you too, your posting above isn’t very funny and not that interesting either.

  4. Pingback: Appaz I am an “ego driven, no fun, conceited, bitchy women (sic)” | ohhellwhatthehell

  5. SAG! Do you mind if I call you SAG for short? thought not. We should be friends. I wrote a post all about you, special-like. Enjoy! And please stay in touch!

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