Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby…

So, in the course of writing my “romantic historical novel” (note quotation marks, important , in case I never mention it again, but for the moment, let’s just say 5800 words down, just 74,200 to go..) I’d only be honest if I said I’d had a teeny bit of trouble with the sex scenes.

Sure, sex scenes in historical romantic novels are probably, for all intents and purposes, easier than regular sex scenes. There’s a formula, a language, rules. And none of this – courtesy of the Guardian online: the: Bad Sex (in literature) Awards:

“Guterson edged out strong competition from Haruki Murakami’s long-awaited new novel 1Q84, which sees the Japanese writer pen the immortal line: “A freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike, Tengo thought”.

Chris Adrian’s The Great Night, in which an “impossibly eloquent cock” is wielded to great effect as it “poked her now from the front and now from the back and now from the side”, and Lee Child’s The Affair (“Then it was time. We started tenderly. Long and slow, long and slow. Deep and easy. She flushed and gasped. So did I. Long and slow”) also provided stiff competition, said the Literary Review.”

No, instead, I have to contend with “her quivering sex” and “his hot, hard manflesh” (hang on a second, that’s good, I’ll use that…) At least with a “formula” you won’t freak out people you know who read it too much. But only if they’ve read RomHistFiction before and realise that you’ve not just written a really terrible novel, but instead adhered to the forms, and written a successful book that sits well, nay good, within the genre.

That’s what I’m hoping, in any case. If you’re got suggestions for sex scenes, please, read Harliquin’s guide first, then send me your (mostly) unsolicited smut. Ta.


About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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