Horror-scopes


We all read our stars from time to time, don’t we? Admit it, you do. Sure, they’re not going to say anything particularly helpful, like “watch out for things falling from overhead cupboards” or “don’t trust anyone called Lisa” this week. There’s no “check your laundry for forgotten money” or “probably best not to go to work on Tuesday”. Nothing like that. But sometimes even the vague “things will turn around this week and you will find new opportunities presenting themselves” is slightly comforting.

Which brings me to this. My Love Stars for 2012 (thank you Yasmine, the all-seeing oracle) are thus:

 Cancer

With Pluto still in your Love Zone, 2012 brings the chance for you to find out what it feels like to have love transform your life from the inside out. Or – alternatively – you could act like a furious and/or jealous lover. Or you could hook up with someone so sexy it hurts. Or someone who’s verging on cruel. Your call. Tip: expect the best!

Interpretation: Something might happen but then it might not and something else might happen. Some of the things that might happen might be quite rubbish but cheer up any way.

Hooking up with someone who’s “verging on cruel”?? Yasmine, put the presciption drugs down and make yourself a cup of tea, for heaven’s sake.

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About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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