Adventures in Domesticity


This was me earlier today at work. This was what I was going to go home and do tonight. I was pumped. I was prepped. I would clean All The Things.

And this is me now that I have returned home and poured a glass of wine and remembered I have a day off tomorrow

Yes, once again I have nicked some of the wonderful Ali Brosh’s images to illustrate my point. Please read her full and quite awesome picture essay on Why I Will Never Be an Adult. Ii’s terribly good.

Yes, procrastination is a bitch. So can living on your own be, because there is no one, no one at all to tell you you have to do something or look at you disapprovingly when it is not done. I actually have to INVITE people over in order to get rid of the clutter that has somehow accumulated (How??) over the course of two days.

Despite my mother being an ultra clean, neat and tidy person addicted to hoovering and washing dishes as soon as they are dirty, my sister and I are not. We’d like to be. I’d like to be. But my attitude generally is if I’m the only person that has to put up with it, then I’m not complaining. Until once a week when I freak out and run headfirst into a cleaning frenzy and then congratulate myself for being so totally awesome. I am much neater with other people around, but on my own I figure hey! I have better things to do, such as read The Hairpin, check Facebook, read a novel, watch Downton Abbey. I’ve worked hard today goddamit! I need me some relaxation.

I’d get a cleaner but there’s a certain amount of shame at being a single 30-something woman who needs to employ someone to clean/tidy a One Bedroom Flat. Oh, that and my total middle class white person guilt at having someone clean for me. Because will totally appear as a lazy petulant adult-child who is incapable or unwilling to push a mop around the floor as often as it should really be done.

In other news I’ve finally replaced the lightbulbs because the fix-it fairy didn’t show. Every night I’d flick the switch and be all like “what? Jesus. Why?” and wonder why I’m so useless at getting shit done. But now I sit here at my laptop under glorious energy-saving goodness and I no longer have to shower in the dark. I’m calling that Win. For now.

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About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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3 Responses to Adventures in Domesticity

  1. Lisa says:

    Ah-haha. This is my life. I’m not sure I should be feeling so proud…
    But anyway, when I get sacked for spending all day reading this amazing website, can I come and live with you? I’m really messy and I don’t change lightbulbs, but I can cook (messily) and we can share shoes?Oh, and I can open a bottle of wine with a teaspoon.

  2. Yes, but can you please wait to get sacked until AFTER I come and see you in Brussels? We CAN share shoes, your talent with a teaspoon is welcome and we can Get A Man to come and change lightbulbs. STat.

  3. Lisa says:

    Oh mais oui – sacking scheduled for after your visitation, we have much to see and do, including, but not limited to: cafe offering 2000 varieties of beer; bar where the tables are made from coffins (where you may catch sight of the lesser spotted Radioactive Whore); bar where the seats are swings; bar where we will drink bison blood; um, culture and shit.

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