Whilst I have heard of her, until now I really, genuinely had never read anything Bettina Arndt had ever written. Ever. And today I realised why. I encourage you to read this article in its entirety just so you can fully comprehend how much Arndt dislikes women or just really wants to be friends with all the boys because they’re so much easier to get along with or something else that might make sense maybe.
In any case, it’s kind of like the story of Adam and Eve and everything being Eve’s fault, but snappily updated for modern times.
However, I’ll give you the gist: Women have boobs and most women (if not all) show off their boobs but they only want good looking men to leer at them and hate it when ugly ones do. They are basically guilty of false advertising and are confusing all the poor old men out there who are genetically programmed to look at boobs all the time even if they don’t want to. Poor men.
“Of course men are going to want to look – ”it feels like there’s a magnet in her chest” one man complained. But there are men struggling with how to do this in a respectful way. There’s a sweet blog on The Good Men Project website – which promotes enlightened ”masculinity” – where Hugo Schwyzer describes his total humiliation when Jenny Talbot caught him staring at her boobs in maths class. ”You’re so perverted,” she yelled and Hugh cringed with embarrassment. But since then, he’s taken women’s studies courses and understands ”the problematic power of the male gaze”.
And he’s ready to give helpful hints to men about how to look without making women uncomfortable.”
What a nice guy! AND he’s taken a course in “lady things”. But he’s right though. After all, it’s only really an issue if she knows you’re doing it. A bit like filming ladies in the shower or taking photos up their skirts in a shopping centre.
Here’s a gem from Hugo
Like the Three-Second Rule: ”Few women are going to feel you’re undressing them if your glance lasts so short a time.”
THREE SECONDS? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Three seconds is the time limit for eating food dropped on the floor. In fact, it should really be one second and you have to half catch it. Three seconds. OneMississippi. TwoMississippi. ThreeMississippi. It’s a hell of a long time. Any man who looks at my tits for that length of time whilst standing in front of me is rude / an idiot / a pervert / going to get poked in the eye. Hard. Jesus, I freak out if my boyfriend looks at me in the FACE for more than two seconds without saying anything.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it!”
Anyway, we’ve so far established that ogling the bodyparts of women should be allowed but it is not, which is confusing. But it’s ok if they don’t know you’re doing it and if they do if you only do it for less than THREE interminable seconds, then it’s ok. Are you following? Do try and keep up. Arndt has aLOT to say on this subject.
“The Anslem Samuel site, which debates relationships and current events – writes some pretty funny stuff about how awkward it is to look everywhere but below eye level: ”We’ll be looking at the top of your head or straight up at the ceiling. By the time the conversation is over, we’ll know how many light bulbs are in every room,” he jokes.
Why that’s hilarious. I wonder how you can count all those light bulbs whilst concentrating on the conversation you are having with me on Geopolitics and the state of the nation or even the latest fricking episode of Game of Thrones. I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. I can’t look at your boobs so I’ve tuned you out completely, woman.
“It does all have its funny side (does it? DOES IT?) and there are also plenty of men who love the passing parade. Some men, particularly successful, attractive men, enjoy the show – confident that they are in the target audience. Harry* is a fit, cute 28-year-old, well launched on his media career, a world where he suggests flirting and flaunting is part of the culture. He’s comfortable with women displaying themselves to him: ”If she has a great body and she enjoys showing it off, for sure I enjoy looking.” He tells the story of a meeting with a young woman wearing a fairly fitted yellow dress, ”popping out of the top”.
”The conversation was about the rate I was going to charge them for advertising. As I looked down at my notebook and did some basic sums, I realised that she was leaning forward, deliberately showing her tits, presumably to throw my concentration.” He called her bluff.
”I started to laugh and made a comment about putting her body on the line for the business!”
She backed off, embarrassed, and he got his deal done.”
If “Harry*” was a real person I would punch him in the face. Where do I start? He presumes because he is “cute” she’s leaning forward to show him the goods and distract him. Could it possibly be that she is a professional, doing business, who’d prefer his full attention? Could she also be leaning forward to READ the basic calculations on your notebook? Of course not. She was wearing a “fairly fitted yellow dress”.
So Harry* embarrasses the shit out of her by basically telling her she’s just a pair of tits with legs and what is she doing playing at working anyway? Then she runs away and he gets his deal done. Superb.
And Bettina – can we have a quiet word? What Harry* just did, right there, is Sexual Harassment. No, I’m serious, he did. It’s not funny. As noted by the Centre Against Sexual Violence: Sexual Harassment is any form of unwanted, unwelcome or uninvited sexual behaviour, which is or might be offensive, humiliating, intimidating or embarrassing. …
If only Harry*’s handwriting had been easier to read, then she wouldn’t have had to lean over and her herself all sexually harassed and shit. But really, she’s got tits. She had it coming.
So, what have we learned kids?
That reading Arndt’s columns is like repeatedly punching yourself in the head; you really start to wonder what the fuck you’re doing it for because it hurts your brain so much. Arndt is grade A troll material and not in the “Guardian readers who pretend they don’t read the Daily Mail but secretly do and get upset by every breath Liz Jones takes and feel compelled to point out her every failing as a human being on every article she writes kind of way”. No. Because she validates and encourages the kind of shiteful comments below (and that is just the tiniest of snippets). But please enjoy and try not to be too sad that men making comments like this exist in the real world. In fact, they’re probably looking at your tits right now. For even longer than three seconds.
“I concur with the contents of this article entirely.I have argued this case for many years. Breasts are like jewelry, besides their natural function, they are there to attract attention & a possible mate. Enhanced breasts even more so.
So girls,” reap what you sow,” enjoy the attention. Your anger says more about you than the person whos eyes were attracted by your charms.”
I wonder how many times telling women their breasts are like jewellery (special jewellery just for you to look at and admire) has gotten you laid?
“All true. Just met a girl in the bank yesterday in home loans. Wore a a low cut revealing top and yes I asked her out. She gets asked out all the time has a partner but wears clothing that is going to get any mans attention.”
What do you mean she has a boyfriend?. She was wearing a low cut top, wasn’t she?. In the bank? In the home loans section? God, women are so confusing!
“I was at a dinner party some time ago, and a very attractive woman was so obviously flaunting her buxomness that had other men swooning. I found it distasteful and disdained her. She then pursued me, and we went out for a while, but she would do the same thing with other men, and eventually left me for someone paying attention to her antics.”
You met a woman. You dated. She dumped you. I’m not altogether unsurprised. But your miserable relationship failures are relevant to the size of her boobs because?
“I think & believe in women being responsible to hold to a code of dress & conduct. They are NOT VICTIMS here they are the active participants in a game they created & control. Men need to always keep that in mind the game is as much about attracting the one they desire as having a twisted buzz from the ogres googling (& I don’t mean web surfing).
If you choose to dress like that I have from years of living chosen to turn my head from women who are potential relationship train wrecks playing games.
If a woamn is secure in herself she doesn’t need to stick it out there in the wind, so if the woman you choose does stick it out there she will even when you get together advertising still even when she shares a relationship with you…..SHE WILL NEVER BELONG WHOLLY TO YOU , YOU FOOL.”
A Code of Dress and Conduct. I thought I’d left high school years ago, but sure, write one on up and have a rifle through my wardrobe. Then go fuck yourself.