No, this is not a euphemism – if it was, it would be a really shit one and I’d like to think you know me better than that.
Cat: whiney miaow noise, repeatedly (whilst sitting in front of piece of string, looking resentful)
Me: I don’t want to play with the string right now. I am busy. I am doing things.
Cat: whiney whiney miaow miaow. (indicates string with slight tilt of head)
Me: This is an important life lesson, catface. Sometimes, in fact a lot of the time, we don’t get what we want.
Cat: (jumps onto couch, continues whiney miaow thing)
Cat: (continues merciless whingeing about string toy)
Cat: (ad nauseum)
Me: I said NO! I’m busy reading this Very Interesting Article about some half-baked celebrity I’ve never heard of and her ill-advised lemon yellow playsuit/high heel combination. Go and sleep or something.
Cat: Miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow
Me: FINE! Here’s your fucking string. See? It’s fucking moving and everything. Look, here I am, playing with the string. Oh good. You caught it. What the hell are you going to do now?
Me: Oh fuck it. Have some food.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I should never have children.