Lydia Kettle


This is rather a pedestrian post – no vaginas – sorry – today I’m talking kettles.

Yes, kettles. That thing you fill with water and switch the switch and water boils and you make your tea or stock or whatever. I’ve just seen an advert for the new Sunbeam super awesome fuckballs kettle that has 5 Brewing Temperatures and an LCD screen and all kinds of shit.

What. The. Fuck? It’s a kettle. I don’t need five individual settings. I want my tea hot. That generally happens when I use my kettle – which admittedly is a Sunbeam and I did pay a le-etle bit more for because it was stainless steel and matched the toaster – but come the hell on.

$130 for a kettle? How does one capitalise on this nonsense? Clearly all you need is One Good Idea. Then add bells and whistles and charge people a fuckload because people are stupid.

An aside: My mother once had a kid in her class in Glasgow or such whose name was Lydia Kettle. If you say it quickly and in a Scottish accent it sounds like “lid of a kettle”. Heh.

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About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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