Hot Douchebag #1 Ryan Lochte


Oh Olympics, why do you hurt so good? First of all, after all their mindless ribbing of host country the UK (Kazakhstan 3, UK 0 – oh how we laughed) The Aussies have turned into a nation of sore-losing whingers who’ve used up every single catchphrase, analogy and metaphor to moan about why winning silver is shit whilst Team GB has fucking Caned it.

Then there was the headline: IF YORKSHIRE WAS A COUNTRY IT WOULD STILL BE AHEAD OF AUSTRALIA IN THE MEDAL TALLY, which, although coming courtesy of the daily fail, was actual Gold. But enough of bashing my adopted homeland. Let’s talk hot men.

As I am currently seconded to working on a news website, this topic is both current and important. We are all thinking it – why is Ryan Lochte so hot and yet such a douchebag? Why do I want to snog his face off on the one hand and repeatedly punch him in the head on the other?

Well, Jezebel has explained in 10 neat little dot points the current confusion we are all experiencing…

10 Reasons Why Ryan Lochte is America’s Sexiest Douchebag

“The first time I heard the voice, I chose to ignore it. Ryan Lochte is kind of a fratty idiot, Erin, the voice said. All the signs are right there. You’re being willfully ignorant.“Shut up, brain!” I replied. “You’re not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let’s get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun.” And then we went out for appletinis. But as the Olympics progressed, as more and more montages of Ryan Lochte talking about his sneaker collection or donning a sparkling America grill in his gorgeous mouth filled my TV screen, I couldn’t pretend that reality wasn’t real anymore. Ryan Lochte, as drool-inducingly hot as he is both in and out of the water, is a raging, throbbing douchebag. And here’s why.”

Continue reading here.

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About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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