Because I am judging you.
Yes you, supermarket man behind me with the basket of steak, crisps and a coffee iced-chill.
Yes, I have three microwave meals in my basket. Yes, I have three cans of expensive cat food, cat toys, scented candles, toilet duck, a block of haloumi, unmentionables from the “personal aisle”, a trashy magazine, painkillers, lightbulbs (hey, have you heard about the Zombie apocalypse – I’m prepared), a toothbrush (am I a hooker?), cat litter (yeah, I’m single and I have a cat, go fuck yourself), cigarettes and four bottles of soda water.
Last week it was all fruit and veg and electronic air-fresheners and I was like “watch me biatches. I have a great life.” Now it’s down to this.
And this, my friends, is why you will Never Ever pick up in a supermarket. Ever.