I did completely Almost Lose My Shit whilst leaving the house this morning, on the way to work (on a public holiday, thank you very much) because the probably-very-nice-person with the fuck-off very long and inconvenient utility van had blocked my exit. By doing nothing other than parking in their delineated bay because the parking sitch at the complex is very much a big bowl of fuck.
After doing a very impressive 25-point manoeuvre to get out of the goddamn parking space in the first place, I then realised I could neither go forward nor back. In a move of supreme cunning and – let’s face it, desperation – I decided to risk damaging three cars and managed to get my beast of a vehicle out between them with nary but a few milometers between me and a shitty insurance claim. My Dad would have been proud.
However, everybody needs good neighbours and tonight I came home to a note stuck in my flyscreen from lovely next door Deb (who likes to improvise and spell my name a different way each time, but I appreciate her inventiveness and also being a fucking awesome lady and even writing the note by hand even though she’s had a stroke and shit and writing’s kind of horrible for her) saying “Hi – CD in mailbox. Hope you like it, D”
Yes, she is amazing. I had a party until 6.30am and bought her flowers to apologise and she’s all like “what? don’t be an idiot”. I lend her Van Morrison’s rare b-sides and she sticks Working Legend (amazing) in my mailbox. We drink fizz together and discuss shite. I lend her garden furniture and she saves me from a crisis by lending me her mixer as I’m preparing food for 12 people like a muppet.
I’ve never had a lovely neighbour in Australia before (or one I was not scared of befriending or even acknowledge me lest they stab me in the face) but this shit’s good. TJ from upstairs even gave me a happy new year hug. I’m scared and confused. This is how people should live, right? Right.