Today Someone Emailed Me to Tell Me I Was Shit

Or, alternatively, to tell both I and the full page column (for which i was merely filling in for, starting today) was shit.

Well listen, you long time reader and fan of said page/institution, you’ve had literally a GODDAMN YEAR to complain that it is not how things used to be. Lord knows I agree with you but a) sending your shitty spiteful email to b) me, because for all intents and purposes I AM the column/page and all emails directed towards that part of the newspaper come to me because it’s got MY BIG FAT FUCKING FACE ON IT and c) telling the “anonymous” columnist (ME, CLEARLY IT IS ME) that they are rubbish and we should sack me and instead replace me with one of two men who clearly have better things to do (one, for example, no longer works at the company and has not for several years) is stupid.

d) You are an idiot. You’ve waited all this goddamn time to whinge. All of this time, when you could have been golfing or volunteering with the elderly or painting a shitty mural in your house. Now you tell us you don’t like it. As if you pay a subscription or your rates go towards your goddamn newspaper. I bet you are the kind of twat who calls up journos and says “I pay your wages”.

Look, I might agree with you somewhat. But seriously, when my name and fat face is in MASSIVE GIANT 80 POINT on the page and you send an email to the section, who do you think reads it? Me. Yes, just in case I had to spell it out for you, you muppet.

And do you think I give a fuck about your opinion? No I do not. But I do get irritated at not having the right of reply (which I do when people have actual, real issues, not just an opinion which is “you are shit”) when people are douchebags.

1. It was my first day of doing this column after 4 years. I’ve tried to walk the line of ‘what this is’, ‘what i think this should be’ and ‘what i’d like it to be’ and ‘what I am allowed to do’.

2. You hate it. It wasn’t like this happened overnight. It’s been rubbish for ages. Join the fucking queue. I was just filling in.

3. The person who turned it into shite has been doing so for more than a year. I think you’ll find, comparatively, that my daily offering is better than his. Take it up with the person that gets paid to do this. He started it. I got jokes and shit y’all.

4. Fuck you.


About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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