Appaz I am an “ego driven, no fun, conceited, bitchy women (sic)”

Being in ye old newspaper trade I do get, on occasion, letters and emails and phone calls from people who hate me, what I’ve written, or have some really, really big problems of their own and like to take the time and energy out of their lives to tell me I should be mutilated and dead.

They don’t know me and usually they are dumb as a post or tapped in the head. These letters we hold close to our hearts  (especially as female journos because the male ones seem to be less of a target) because they are badges of honour. If I’ve riled you to a point where you’ve written me six pages of mostly unintelligible nonsense, by hand and even paid for the stamp and not even used the word “cunt” then I’m putting it away in my Special Folder. Ah, memories.

Which brings me to this. My blog. It’s a blog. It’s self-indulgent, sometimes funny, sometimes excruciatingly pedestrian, boring and self-centred but I have a lot of spare time on my hands.

So I considered carefully what response I should give to someone calling themselves “single aussie girl” who commented the other day on a post I wrote almost two years ago. Firstly, it’s not my finest work. I was probably sober, rather than drunk when I wrote it. It was about Delusional Hotness Syndrome and, although I made a fair point, it certainly fell short of the standard I usually expect from myself.

In any case SAG (as we shall now call her – “hi girlfriend!”) made me laugh like a drain. I approved the comment because, you know, free speech and all = very important but I struggled with my brain as to how to respond. A sarky one-liner? Nothing? A dissection of everything fundamentally wrong with her comment? She did say some quite nasty things about me and generally, I’m quite a nice person. So I’ll print the response in full and then address some of SAG’s various ill-informed points (I know you hate me Single Aussie Girl, but believe me this comes from a place of care and concern). I just want to steer you back onto the path of not contradicting yourself and the terrible habit of being personally rude to and about someone you’ve never met. It’s not an attractive trait. But celebrities are fair game.

For the sake of all involved I’ve conveniently highlighted the poignant parts, which I shall address later.

So, here’s it:

Single Aussie Girl says:

I live in Melbourne Australia and I live with this demographically driven phenomenon. As a relatively new nation it’s the first time in our demographic history that women in the 30′s-40′s have so drastically outnumbered the number of available men. Having hit my early 40′s, I have known enough Australian men, long enough, to appreciate that they are all ego, and generally ballsy enough to somehow believe they are gods gifts to women, no matter how bad they are in reality. Unfortunately when these 2 conditions hit them into their late 30′s and beyond into their 50′s the consequence is intolerable for the dating women… That being said, having read your diatribe above, I can only guess that you have an equally horrid overly feminist condition. I am so glad you are so successful and self important and special. You sound like an absolute ego driven, no fun, conceited, bitchy women. But a reality check for you too, your posting above isn’t very funny and not that interesting either.

Ok, let’s go SAG.

1. Many thanks for the history lesson. I also live in Australia. We have much in common. We should be friends.

2. You kind of just agreed with everything I wrote. I’m not sure how you stumbled across this blog but I’m sure glad you stopped by.

3. I have an “equally horrid overly feminist condition”. Really? Let me, dear friend, direct you to the dictionary.

Feminism: the advocacy of women’s right on the grounds of sexual equality.

Do you like earning your own money? owning your own property? Not being raped whilst being married to someone? Being able to vote? I’m assuming not. Being a feminist – which I am, stridently and proudly – means you like things to be fair and lovely. Slagging off fat, older, balding men who think they are the cat’s pyjamas to younger, better looking women is not being horribly feminist. It’s a comment on a real phenomenon. It doesn’t mean I hate all men. I like men. Many of them are very lovely. I have sex with some of them. Lots of them are my closest friends. Please, sweetpea, rethink your idea of feminism and what that involves. Don’t misuse the word as so many people do or make silly assumptions. It devalues us all.

4. “I am so glad you are so successful and self important and special.”

*sigh* I am moderately successful if you are using having a cat and two mortgages and massive debt as your benchmark. I’ve never been overly-ambitious, nor over-confident in my abilities. I am just a person who does a job and writes stuff on here.

I am not self-important. I am important to myself because I live in my own body, so deciding what sandwich to have for lunch, rather than giving a shit about someone else’s sandwich matters a great deal to me.

I am not special. I am not a snowflake. I am a body on this earth that will leave it, one way or another, just as you will, and be mourned for a time and then forgotten. But I’m heartened to read you think all these lovely things of me. Most people think I’m alright and a decent sort of type but your words were both lovely and encouraging.

5.  “You sound like an absolute ego driven, no fun, conceited, bitchy women. But a reality check for you too, your posting above isn’t very funny and not that interesting either.”

I’m sorry, I’m going to have to pick up first on your typo. I’ve done it myself a million times but if I was going to write the kind of invective you just trotted out, I’d try and make sure my spelling and grammar was somewhat correct.

I have no ego. Sure, sometimes when I’ve lost a bit of weight and I’m rocking a new frock and I’m a few wines down I feel pretty chuffed with myself. At work and in life though, I just keep on swimming. I don’t have the ambition or talent to be truly great, and unlike a lot of people, I recognise that and deal with it.

I sound like I’m not fun? The fun I have had over the years would kill lesser people. I just don’t tend to write about it here because a) I don’t want to implicate anyone and b) I do not wish to be arrested. I may not be your cup of tea fun-wise, but I wonder what your definition of “fun” is. I’m imagining you think I sit here, night after night, writing this crap because I’m lonely and have no friends, rather than snorting speed off a hooker’s back in Vegas or catching waves with several half-naked good-looking men with awesome tattoos, or having breakfast at a cafe on a sunday with my buddies or having 12 people for dinner and dancing at my tiny flat or….you get the drift. Sometimes I knit and hand-sew a quilt. That is also fun. I wonder what you do for “fun”.

6. So according to you my post was neither funny nor interesting. And yet you took the time to read it in its entirety and then write a comment basically agreeing with it and then slagging me off. Hmmmm. As I said, not my best work, but come the fuck on SAG. You’re slating a person you don’t know, for no good reason other than to try and make me feel bad and also make yourself feel better. I’m flattered you went to all this trouble, but may I humbly suggest your many (and presumably varied) talents would be better directed elsewhere. I know I’m replying to your comment but only because it amused me and I think other people will get a hoot from reading it. I certainly did. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life but not the ones you accuse me of. The others are far, far worse. And actually much more accurate.

Anyway SAG, we should set all this animosity aside and be friends. Do you have a blog? I’d love to read it. I hope you extend your helpful and constructive criticism to all areas of your life, because I imagine there would be many people who would benefit from your insight.

With love and thanks,

Ohhell x

Oh and PS, Wendy from Wisconsin thinks I’m amazeballs. I’m sure she’s probably printed out and framed some of my better posts. She’s a keeper.

wendy says:

don’t know who you are, but you’re FUNNY! I did a Google search of “delusional hotness syndrome” after reading an article about some Aussie schoolgirl and an aging football agent…
thanks for the fun read!

Wendy (Wisconsin, USA)


About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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3 Responses to Appaz I am an “ego driven, no fun, conceited, bitchy women (sic)”

  1. Xab says:


    Also, “especially as female journos because the male ones seem to be less OF a target”.

    During my time at a certain free entertainment magazine, I can lay claim to having received more hate mail than the rest of the office combined. My OCD nature (as demonstrated above) meant that some of them were written by my colleagues.

    For the public record, I have met Lindsay and she is indeed fun, witty, good at her job and interesting outside of it.

    Personally, I think one accurate measure of a person’s worth is the quality of that person’s friends. And Lindsay’s friends are awesome. I hope to be one, one day.

    SAG, it is hard to imagine how you could be single, given your open, honest and caring nature.

    • Oh YOU. So delightful. I’ve corrected the typo – there are many all over the place and although I’m a stickler I just cannot be arsed most of the time.But my thanks for bringing it my my attention and also saying I’m nice. Let’s hang soon. PS are you sure you are not Wendy from Wisconsin?

  2. Pingback: Appaz I am “Nothing but a Sick Freak/Nazi”: Discuss… | ohhellwhatthehell

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