This Weekend I Have Seen More Strangers’ Cocks Than I Care To


Walking home from a house warming and a man pulls a right in his car into the street in front of me. As I pass, alone, at 1am, I look down the street (be aware of surroundings, etc etc) and I see the man standing by the passenger door of his car stark bollock naked, WANKING and looking at me.

I kid you not. I never usually walk home on my own but it was a 10 min walk and no taxi would take me that far and a whole bunch of other reasons, so this was a timely reminder to Not Fucking Do That Again.

I should have reported it to the cops at the time but I was so weirded out I called my BFF, leaving a garbled message and high-tailed it home. The next day some delightful friends suggested I do, in fact, report it to the police which thankfully they took seriously, although we both laughed when I said I wasn’t sure if he was wearing shoes.

But seriously, who the fuck does this crap? Naked, in a street, wanking. I suppose I didn’t call the cops because like many of us lady-people it just didn’t occur to me. And also I was a bit drunk. I’m mad I didn’t at the time but there you go.

It still seems all a bit surreal. And massively disgusting. Some average looking, average height, average guy with an average car, probably in his 30s, standing naked, waiting to wank off in front of a lady. The mind boggles.

Then I went to the rugby last night and got an eyeful of another man’s nether regions courtesy of a naked streaker. Less offensive, a million times safer, slightly amusing but still, put your fucking cocks away men. Please.

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About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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