Things I Have Learned from Internet Dating #1

1. Most men cannot spell, nor use grammar or even bother to capitalise words that should be capitalised.

2. Most men have pictures of themselves holding a BIG FISH they presumably caught

3. Most men also have photos of them skydiving/diving/dirt bike riding/with a beer/on a boat/of their car?big fish/big fish/big fish

4. Almost without exception, most men put under “books I have recently read” are SHANTARAM or Don’t Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs She Thinks I’m a Piano Player in a Whorehouse. Which is a funny title for a book but I’ve met the guy who wrote it and he is a Massive Douchebag. Like a Total Cock. A bit like the guy who said FHM was the last thing he read. Because it’s amazing. Jesus.

5. They all say they love camping, hiking, fishing and other manly pursuits I could not give an actual shit about.

6. They have kids. I hate kids. I’m not even sure I’d like my own. Deal Breaker.

7. Most men say under “goals” some crap about “being the best person they can be and improving myself every day and blah blah blah bollocks” The only man I’ve actually been on a date with said “give up smoking”. And he’s lovely. And normal.


About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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