In the last 10 days I have gotten very off my head and allowed, nay, encouraged young punks whom I thought were ‘street artists’ to spray paint a shitty mural on my fence which I now have to buy professional anti-graffiti shit to clean it off, gone to a burglar’s house and retrieved my friend’s stolen stuff and almost made the burglar cry through my particular brand of incisive commentary and accusatory shaming dialogue, discovered termites in my garden (WTF? Really?), realised my Dad is turning up in less than three days and I have No actual real job, graffiti on my fence, put on three kilos, a smoker’s cough and an addiction to playing Candy Crush on my iPhone. There are more things but I can’t be arsed listing them.
So have this song (again) instead. And question: if one was to turn 36 this year, would that make someone who is ostensibly single, childless and the owner of a cat a lost cause? Answers, postcard &tc.