This Shit is Getting Ridiculous

Nice one Abbott: $24 BILLION dollars for fancy flying machines while you start charging for doctors’ appointments. Pension age raised to 70 but it’s ok – you got 58 new toys. Going to cut the ABC’s funding cos they are mean to you (read doing their job)? Pleasant. If you stick your fingers in your ears long enough, the Climate Change monster will go back into the cupboard. I’m sure Indigenous people will just fuck off, there will be no homelessness, disability, disadvantage and it will be all unicorns and puppies and rainbows. In Your Head.


Going on a bike ride to help promote a charity raising funds for wounded soldiers whilst simultaneously standing by your decision to reduce benefits to children of soldiers killed or seriously injured in service was a stunning exercise in hypocrisy. Compounded by the fact deputy opposition leader Tanya Plibersek may have suggested t that the annual cost of those payments was pretty much less than that of giving FOUR high income earners their insanely generous paid parental leave.

Eff Why Eye, if you’re not familiar with it, Abbott’s “signature policy” offer new mothers six months’ paid leave based on their wage and is capped at $75,000.


Despite the fact the Productivity Commission found schemes like Abbott’s with “full replacement wages for highly educated, well-paid women, would be very costly for taxpayers and, given their high level of attachment to the labour force and a high level of private provision of paid parental leave, would have few incremental labour supply benefits”.

we’re talking about a policy that will cost about $3.6bn a year more than the current scheme – $5.5 billion! Hurrah! Bye bye School Kids Bonus and hello Yummy Mummies living it up on the good times. I’m now rethinking my decision to probably not have kids. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being bribed to breed. Bit like the Baby Bonus innit? So why are we paying for rich people to procreate?

I’m not just being all Robin Hood about this, studies have shown that reducing the cost of childcare is the thing that increases women’s participation in the workforce (the claims behind “Minister for Women’s Interests” Abbott’s policy) and benefits the community and economy, not free money for fuck-all.

Meanwhile, Attorney General George Brandis says everyone has a right to be a bigot and let’s water down the Discrimination Act because Male White Privilege!



Treasurer Joe Hockey is giving the country a Big Stern Lecture about working harder and longer because we’re all slackers and the big bad mining companies need money more than we do, poor souls. Older people – you need to work longer. Young people, you need to buck up your attitude and work, work, work. Everyone in the middle – a bit of both. Rinehart needs to keep herself in moo-moos and cheap labour for her mines. Duh.

Australia has just dropped to 45 in the world rankings for fastest Broadband speed. Hola Latvia! How’s your downloading of Game of Thrones Going? Done already? Cool.


Austerity is in because even though organisations like Standard and Poors have said their ratings basically don’t mean shit, we want and need that AAA rating. While any school-aged Economics student could tell you that spending = growth, the claim that debt = makes everything terrible is not proven.

Abbott’s cuts basically hurt the most vulnerable in our society. Don’t even get me started on the effects his cuts will have on Indigenous people. Millions upon millions cut from services like the Indigenous Family Violence Prevention Legal Services and Aboriginal legal aid. Closing the Gap? More like Mind the Gap.

The Abbott goverment is busy cutting funding to a whole bunch of things PROVEN to benefit the community and save money, like Medicare Local, which helps the poorest and most disadvantaged people who have difficulty accessing services.

But it’s ok, because Health Minister Peter Dutton has slightly (not) reassured the country that people on low incomes (the ones the Medicare $6 “co-payment” would affect) would be ok. Maybe.

“We will take care of those that can’t take care of themselves,” he said.

“But at the same time people on incomes like mine, or a reporter on $300,000 or $400,000 a year – should we expect to go to the doctor for free? That’s a reasonable question to ask.

“I want to make sure that we can strengthen Medicare, but we’re not going to do that by giving free services in the hundreds of millions each year in a country like ours.” (Source: ABC)

Now I don’t go to a bulk-billing doctor (people not of Australia, stay with me here). I go to my lovely local GP and pay the difference between what the doctor charges and the amount Medicare refunds me because I can afford it and I’m not going to clog up the bulk-billing system for people who need it. Charge me another $6 – I’ll cop that. But some other people can’t. You’re basically fucking the people who can least afford it. And apologies for the shouty capitals but WHAT REPORTER ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH EARNS $300,000 LET ALONE $400,000? For most journalists, divide that by five, double the number of hours you are supposed to work every week, add in Sundays, public holidays, CHRISTMAS Day and then go home and weep into your glass of cleanskin wine (3 bottles for $20 – if you’re lucky) and if you live in Western Australia, then reduce your disposable income by a factor of two and grab yourself a goon bag.


Asylum seekers? They’re illegal – NOT ILLEGAL FFS! It is not illegal to seek asylum! More lovely not-brown-people-from-Europe arrive by plane and stay here, actually illegally. But in case you or I gave a panhandling fuckbar about it, we’re not going to tell you anything about boats arriving or children in detention or anything, really -sincerely, love, the Government.


I could go on but I’m really tired and I haven’t even touched this sides of this utter shite. Instead of writing my dreadful hopefully money-making historical romance novel, I’m whingeing about the government. But seriously, every time they pull another big bowl of fuck out of the bag I go deeper down the rabbit-hole. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. I’m tired of being horrified and outraged. Almost 60 stealth flying spy bombing plane tanks or whatever the fuck they are for $24 billion just so we can be matey with the US? NOT a Hollywood movie, soz. Let’s not forget that several countries decided the planes were shit, had significant problems and were also more expensive than La-Lohan’s coke habit and therefore cancelled their order. Not us though – Phew!


If you want further proof of this fucking idiocy, check out the news footage of Abbott sitting in the cockpit of one, asking “is this the actual cockpit?”. Jesus Christ on a bicycle. He’s a failed priest with no compassion, he’s a misogynist with “good looking daughters”. He thinks abortion is the “easy way out”. He promised to spend his first week as PM at an Aboriginal community (did not), he thinks women’s virginity is a “precious gift”. He lacks empathy, vision and basic intelligence. His behaviour smacks of George W Bush’s speech in 2000:

“This is an impressive crowd, the haves and the have-mores. Some people call you the elite. I call you my base.” George W Bush, Al Smith Memorial Dinner in New York, 19th October 2000.

According to terribly interesting and quite fabulous French economist Thomas Piketty, wealth inequality has dropped back to levels not seen since the 1900s, when the rich married the rich and had land and bought more land (if you live in WA – marry a miner cos you can’t afford no house).

Maybe Abbott is just “misunderestimated”, but on a planet in which the world’s richest 1% control half of global wealth, and not everyone’s a Buffet or a Gates, perhaps we should do a wee bit of a rethink. Sadly, Abbott is what we’ve turned up from digging around under the rocks of our society. But maybe we need to go way, way down before we can rise up. It’s the only way we (and by “we” I mean all you muppets who voted for Abbott or the cray-cray minor parties) are ever going to learn.


Compassion and fairness are not dirty words. A country’s debt is not always bad. The minerals and resources found beneath the earth in WA and the rest of Australia belong to us, not the mining companies that dig it out. But the regular people are the ones that are being hit hardest, not the elite, not the rich, not the ones who have made their money on the back of what this country has given them. We all need to “toughen up”. We are reigned by fear and lack of information. Our country is actually not all that bad until some cunt in a pair of budgie smugglers decides he is Rasputin reincarnated and basically fucks the living hell out of it and us.

So piss on me and tell me it’s raining. The world is an imperfect, imperfect place. But despite all this bullshit I’m not going to stop hoping and believing it can and will be better.*

*Also, I am mental. That might explain why I choose to believe this.


– NEXT EPISODE: Motherfucking KITTENS!


About ohhellwhatthehell

I like gin, mittens and otters, not necessarily in that order. Here's some stuff I felt like writing down when I'm not chained to a desk writing other things for a living. Please use caution when using this site; there may be sweary words, cute animals and general bullshit. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you.
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