No, #NotAllMen. But Jesus fucking wept I can rustle you up a shitload of examples in under 10 if I could bear to read them.
Yes, #NotAllMen, but a fucking lot of them. If one in three women are sexually assaulted / assaulted at least once in their lifetime, and in Australia one woman EVERY WEEK is killed by her partner/former partner, then maybe we should change this tag to #NotSomeMen.
#YesAllWomen are entitled to call this crap out and say we’ve actually had enough. Enough of the harassment and the fear and the threatening behaviour and the misogynistic language and acts, of the sexual attacks, the rape, the victim-blaming, the statistics and constantly rearranging of their lives to try and NOT be targeted/suffer.
When you combine all of these behaviours together, it is less #NotAllMen but #NotSomeMen. And the men who have used this tragedy to whinge about their hurt feelings because it seems women are being mean and shit and tarring them all with the same brush, as if THAT IS EVEN IN THE SAME FUCKING BALLPARK as the constant, daily fear, harassment, assault and death women suffer at the hands of men.
Even statistics and facts and the torrent of first-person experiences are not enough for men who profess to be “nice guys” and “I’m not like that at all” and beat their chests crying it’s not fair on the mens! to realise that Many Men do this. Many, Many men.
I have seen almost no comments by women that are violent and derisive (and believe me, I have been reading extensively about this), whereas there is a plethora of offensive, dismissive, self-pitying so-called nice guys getting all upset, as well as the, quite frankly disgusting vile shit of the #LotsOfMen.
I also find it interesting to note that you will be hard pressed to find an article written by a professional and respected journalist of either gender saying that #YesAllWomen is a load of bullshit. Just the commenters who lack empathy, understanding or who take the time to actually read the #NotAllWomen hashtag and the experiences of the women who have used it.
Yeah, this guy. *not by any means isolated.
While this is an extreme example, it exists all too frequently. Women in the public eye, writers, journalists, politicians, actors, take your pick – say something a chap/chaps take umbrage with (especially if it is about sexual assault, equal opportunities, lady things) then you will get multiple messages saying you should be raped.
Here’s Tara Moss on Q&A talking about her own experience of rape and assault.
And here is what happened to Tara Moss after she appeared on Q&A talking abut her own experience of rape and assault. This ACTUALLY happened. Men threatened to rape her on social media.
One Twitter user going by the name Mike Hunt wrote: “Have you no shame whore? Lying about being raped to sell your garbage book? I hope you do get raped for your lies.”
Compared with Moss’ public FB comment:
Thank you once again for the incredible support and solidarity, and for sharing your stories of survival. We are many.
I hope to reply to each of your messages, though it may take some time. Please forgive me if I miss your message or if it takes a long time. (My account only allows for public messages, and not private messages.)
So, the men who dismiss this and bang on abut #NotAllMen are willfully ignoring the facts. They are willfully ignoring the fear such things cause. They are willfully ignoring the statistics. They are willfully ignoring the first-hand experience of millions of women.
Just saying “not me!” doesn’t cut it. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”.
– Edmund Burke
So either stand up and be decent or leave. God knows we’re used to it. But we’re going to change it and it is heartening that #SomeMen are supporting us. And yes, right-thinking non-rapey non-sexist men, we need you too. It would be pleasant if we could do this together. For everyone.